I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
