It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
