Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They took my balls.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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