my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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