"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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