I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
