U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
