i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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