I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize