he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
