Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
