this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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