I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
