woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The beer is more important than you right now.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
