You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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