I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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