I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
