operation harelip BJ is a go
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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