tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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