They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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