So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
