Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When did angry sex become our thing?
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