i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
