her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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