So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
