Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
