Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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