Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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