Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was born a porn star she said
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
