So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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