are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
