I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
