i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
