Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
