Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
