She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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