she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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