Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
