In America we eat man semen.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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