Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
