is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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