I feel like abortions should bother me more
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
