I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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