im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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