Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
