My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
