Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
