Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
