Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
