nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
