i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
