Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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