he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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