dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
