I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
