1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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