Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
