I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
