Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
