I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
