The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
