i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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