You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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