just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
