I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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