Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
