My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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