Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize